What is your love language?

Photo by Esther Ann

When we find and connect with people the world becomes less lonely and empty. Sometimes it can feel like we are doing all the right things to connect with someone but still aren’t connecting.

This could be because we aren’t using the right love language. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the 5 Love Languages, believes individuals have a primary love language they relate to. This is not to say the other four love languages are not important, but when we recognize and meet the needs of someone else’s love language, this can bring more connection, laughter, and harmony to the relationship. Let’s learn more about these love languages.

Words of Affirmation

When we offer positive words or phrases which support, uplift, encourage, communicate your love, and show appreciation we are using words of affirmation.

How nice is it to hear the words “I appreciate you,” “I admire your generosity,” and “it meant so much to me when you did this for me.”

Even reading those statements my heart feels a little fuller.

Acts of Service

The Acts of Service love language focuses on doing activities for another person that can help make life easier or more enjoyable for the other person.

This could include running errands, checking in on them during the day, making them a warm beverage, doing things around the house, or anything that can help the other person feel appreciated and make their life a little bit easier.


If receiving gifts is your love language this can be very rewarding. When giving or receiving gifts, it does not need to be extravagant or cost a lot of money. There could be a sentimental reason for giving them a small gift.

It is about showing someone you are hearing what they are going through, caring for them and tailoring the gift towards what they might need. For example, you might remember a favourite flower or chocolate bar of someone’s and give that as a gift, or if you know someone is going through a stressful time you may choose to give them a gift certificate to the spa.

Quality Time

When you are spending quality time with someone, you are giving that person your undivided attention, which includes turning off the tv and putting away your cell phone or other distracting objects.

Quality time includes staying in the moment, making eye contact and actively listening to what the other person is saying, making a plan to do something together, and developing a routine where you connect daily. It is not about the amount of time you spend with someone, but the quality of the time spent together.

Physical Touch

Skin-to-skin contact triggers the release of feel-good hormones —serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin — in our bodies. Physical touch could include kissing, holding hands, hugging, snuggling on the couch or in bed, dancing or working out with your partner, or getting a gentle massage or foot rub.

Knowing the primary love languages of my partner, our children and myself has helped make our relationships stronger because we can advocate for what our needs are and tailor activities we do to meet each person’s needs when spending time together which makes our family bond stronger.

It can also be helpful to know the love languages of those around you such as friends, co-workers, and extended family to know how you can support others around you and make them feel appreciated and loved. If you are not sure what your love language is you can take the free quiz to learn more. https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language